It’s okay to play

I went to a free cupcake decorating class last year at my library.
Sugar AND art? YEssssss.

It was my first evening away from kids.
I’d signed up for it weeks in advance, and I was looking forward to it.
I knew it was something I was already good at and enjoyed.
I knew I could learn more, or at least just enjoy the ready-made supplies!

I had a great time and helped those at my table.
I made cupcakes that were bright and colorful.
I may have licked my fingers quite a bit. YUM!!

It was so fun! Look at these cupcakes!

 

But…

On the way returning home, my stomach started to tighten.
Anxiety was setting in.
I felt unhappy.

Huh?

As I tried to identify why I felt so anxious after a fun evening, the thought came to my mind…

“You don’t deserve to do this.”

What?!

Why did I feel guilty driving home?

“You don’t deserve this.”

Who was talking?
Where was this coming from?
I had a great time creating, and helping other to create… the time was reserved for me.
I had fun.

So why did I feel guilty?

In The Big Leap Gay Hendricks says after that a wonderful experience, we often self-sabatoge ourselves.
We get angry at a spouse, we are impatient with a co-worker think discouraging thoughts…
We don’t even realize it, or pause to think why.

When we branch out into new levels of happiness, it feels different.
We subconsciously bring ourselves back down to what’s normal, what’s comfortable.
Less happy is our normal.

I was “too happy” making those cupcakes.
Away from poopy diapers, fighting kids and messy kitchen, I felt light.
I felt good.

I also knew that those things would likely meet me when I got home.

But do you know what the win here is, my friend??
That I recognized it.
That I recognized that it didn’t make sense to give myself a guilt trip.

“You don’t deserve this.”

Not. True.

Of COURSE I deserved this. My husband was happy to watch the kids.
Of COURSE I deserved to play with sugar and have fun.
I don’t have to be a martyr.

Martyrs always die in the end.

Is that something to strive for?
Always giving and never filling?
That’s where I’ve been functioning. And it left me empty.

Instead I can choose me.
I can choose to invest in myself. My happiness.
That’s okay.
And necessary.

Here’s the secret: we can ALLOW ourselves a new normal.
We can be happier than we have been.
We can feel more fulfilled that we have felt.

And I promise you that you WILL.
You build that new level of happiness, brick by brick.

Just don’t pull them down after you’ve built it.
Let those happiness bricks, those creative bricks sit.
You’re building a beautiful foundation.

Something is changing…

I went to another art class this month, and felt absolutely fulfilled by it.

I adored what I made.

I allowed myself the space and time to feel fulfilled and happy with my creation.
I chose colors that would match my Women Create Weekly branding, and my new home office.

My kids were excited about seeing my projects when I returned home.
They saw me taking time to do something for ME, fulfillment in creating.
And that I find more fulfillment in motherhood because of taking time to PLAY.

And you can too.
What will you do for an experience?
Is there a class you’ve wanted to take? A local club or paid class?
Have you downloaded and made my handmade watercolor cards?

It doesn’t matter what you do, only that you START.